Hairy Rector

A few mornings ago, I awoke from my sleep with air bursting out of my tightly closed lips, laughing my fucking ass off. A couple of paranormal-activity-seeking goons had pulled up to a field I was hanging out in with a bunch of other random goons. This is a dream of course. One of the paranormies started demanding that the kids in the field pick up the trash that magically appeared as he was making the demand. One kid, in agreement, started trying to rally everyone to comply—stopping mid-speech to call a kid a “hairy rector.”

As soon as I realized I was awake, confused, but enjoying the laugh, I went to to find out what kind of insult my subconscious had just come up with.


Fucking hairy rector. I don’t know why I found it so funny before I even knew what it meant. That was the beauty of it. My conscious mind never had any say in whether or not it would be appropriate to laugh. I simply laughed. It felt so good. I had been so laser-focused on recovering, searching for answers to deep questions, yada-yada-yada, that I forgot that life is also hilarious. As important as it is to be serious at times, it’s also important to enjoy yourself.

Our society doesn’t even blink an eye at the fact that half the adult population, and many kids, are obliterated much of their waking time outside of work. Then there’s recovery—people making an effort to better themselves despite feeling defeated—and that shit looks glum as hell to society. How backwards is that?

I’m grateful for the hairy rector that interrupted Captain Planet Jr’s speech, whoever he is. I needed a reminder to lighten up. Recovery is difficult, as is life in general at times. The whole point of recovery is to recover, meaning live a fulfilling happy life. It may take some time to get back in the swing of things, develop the skills to cope with our new lifestyle, or  figure out healthy ways to fill our time, but we don’t need to wait for permission to start enjoying ourselves. Whether you just started your recovery or you’re many years sober, celebrate! Be proud of yourself. You should not feel like you’re mourning your own death. This is a re-birth.

Put in the work. Enjoy the ride.

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Hello, Mara is an ongoing project seeking continual improvement. If there are any resources you would like to see added to, please e-mail directly at

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